Challenges in the Foster Care System
Anyone who has ever worked in or been involved with the foster care system knows that, like most systems, it’s very broken. Although unfortunately necessary, the foster care system is not without some serious flaws. Often, children are removed when possibly they could have stayed. Once in the system, contact with parents is often limited and visits are infrequent and take place in small, sterile Department of Social Services (DSS) offices. Courts are backlogged with too many cases, so children languish for too long in the system without permanency.
Often, biological parents truly want to work their case plans to be able to reunify with their children, but because of social and resource constraints, they can’t progress enough to make headway. Most people who work in child welfare are amazing people with humble hearts doing the best they can to serve children and families. But there are serious systemic problems.
Introducing the Bridging Families Program
Crossnore knew there had to be a better way. And so, we launched our Bridging Families© program in 2021. Bridging Families seeks to do foster care in a different way. Our aim is to reunify families, hopefully within six to nine months, providing the family with team support. This involves building relationships, providing therapy for children and parents, offering parenting skills classes, connecting to community resources, and addressing broader needs like transportation, education, or employment.
When children enter our Bridging Families program, we keep siblings together in one of our licensed homes with a full-time set of Bridge Parents. Shared parenting is the top priority. Visits happen in the Bridge Home. They are more frequent, in a more natural setting, and can happen outside of the 9 am-5 pm workday. Parents can be present to participate in the bedtime routine or take children to school on their first day of classes. Although it’s not ideal for children to be without their parents and away from their homes, the Bridging Families program strives to create a safe environment. It also focuses on ensuring the well-being of both the children and their biological parents. The aim is not only to help families reunify,” says Bridging Families Senior Director, Scott Craver, “but to work side-by-side to help ensure positive outcomes, stronger family connections, and long-term success.”
The Gibson* Family’s Journey
The Gibson* family will soon be graduating from our Bridging Families program and enjoying this success. Samantha and her husband were married in 2004. Over the years they had five children together. Samantha actively participated as a Girl Scout mom, served as a member of the PTA, and remained a stay-at-home mom for years. But in 2018, a tragic motorcycle accident took her husband’s life. The grief and stress became too much. “It turned my whole life upside down. I didn’t have time to grieve. Too many people depended on me to be strong, so I just kept pushing. Eventually, I started using drugs to cope. But at some point, the drugs became my top priority.”
Samantha was arrested, and DSS took her children into custody. She thought it would only be for the time she was in jail. After being released a few days later, she found out they wouldn’t be coming back. She was unable to see them for another excruciating two weeks. She was heartbroken. Before entering the Bridging Families program, it was very difficult for Samantha to see her children. When she could, it was only for a couple of hours in a cramped DSS office.
But soon, the Gibsons transitioned to the Bridging Families program and things began to change. Samantha’s youngest four children, John (16), Georgie (15), Sarah (10), and Liam (9) moved into one of our Bridging Families homes with Bridge Parents, Anna and Wyatt. It didn’t mean everything became easy for Samantha to bear, but it became easier. “Finally it seemed like we were getting somewhere,” she shares. “There was more contact. I was able to see [the kids] in a more natural environment. Visits were easier and more frequent. I felt like people were finally on my side, interested in reunification for my family.”
Samantha stayed motivated from the beginning, and her love for her children was obvious. Bridge Parents, Anna and Wyatt, immediately began getting to know Samantha and including her as much as possible. “In the early days, we would send photos to Samantha every day and have the kids call their mom every day,” shares Anna. “As the case plan progressed and visits increased, we met with Samantha several times a week in our home, and parented together during the evenings and weekends.” Because Bridge Parents don’t work another job, unlike traditional foster parents, there was much more time and flexibility to let Samantha see her kids. She was able to be a big part of her children’s lives again in a much more natural and healthy setting.
Still, it wasn’t easy. “Honestly, it’s been difficult for me to share parenting because I just wanted to do it myself,” says Samantha. “I just want my kids back to prove that I am a good mom and I can handle it. I have had to humble myself a lot and remind myself that it’s necessary for me to co-parent right now. And Anna and Wyatt have made that as easy as possible. They try to include me in as much of the parenting as they can. I am grateful they are with two wonderful and caring people.”
The respect and humility have gone both ways. Anna says, “Samantha has been so kind and open with us ever since we met. She had so much grace for us in our shortcomings. She was so vulnerable and willing to share who she is with us. The kids’ biological family has been wonderful to work with, and we feel very close and safe with them.” Anna, Wyatt, and Samantha talk and text each day. “We meet together weekly for Parent to Parent meetings, talk on the phone for quick updates, attend team meetings together. We just keep one another updated on the kids’ needs and day-to-day rhythms,” shares Anna.
Alex Hudson, Bridging Families Supervisor, says that Samantha has been all-in from day one. “The love between Samantha and her kids has always been evident, so the growth has been on them becoming a family again. She has leaned into all aspects of the program: family therapy, parent to parent sessions, a Triple P Parenting Skills course, and even identifying new career options.” Anna expresses how much Samantha has grown. “Samantha has become so much more confident since we met her. She knows herself and is confident in her parenting skills. She has taken on some Trauma-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) parenting skills and incorporates them into her regular parenting practices. Samantha has also found ways to care for her emotional wellbeing through a community of support, which has empowered her.”
The program was even able to help Samantha with some needs that typically fall outside the range of supports traditional foster care can provide. “We were able to support her through some workforce development connections and even partnered with a local church to have volunteers help get her house ready to sell,” says Alex. “We understand that the families we work with might not have a lot of ‘social capital,’ connections in the community. It’s important that they know they can reach out to Crossnore when they need the support, to ‘borrow a cup of sugar’ from a neighbor.”
Hope for a Brighter Future
The kids are doing great, too! “They’re in an overall healthy place. They’ve grown collectively and individually,” Alex shares. “Getting jobs over the summer, participating in extracurricular activities, and achieving academic goals.” The whole family has grown in their confidence. Samantha’s visitation time has continued to increase. At the writing of this article, all four children are spending their weekends at home with their mom. Samantha has fully participated and connected with the Bridging Families team. They are ready, Alex says, to reunite. “And, they have the skills and supports to be successful once they are.”
Although the children are eager to go home, there have also been some special moments they’ve allowed their Bridge Parents to be a part of. Ten-year-old Sarah recently asked Wyatt to take them to their father’s gravesite with flowers. First, Sarah talked with her father for a little while. Then she came to Wyatt and asked him to talk with her father too. Wyatt approached the grave and got to “meet” the children’s father and introduced himself. The two dads shared a beautiful “shared parenting” moment.
We are so excited for the Gibson family’s future. “Our hope for the kids and Samantha is that they have a healthy relationship throughout the rest of their lives,” says Anna. “Our hope is that the kids will take things they learned while at Crossnore and learn to pull the positives from them.” And we also want them to know that they’re never alone. “We work with families to address any pre-reunification needs as well as anticipate any support that they may have post-reunification,” shares Alex. “We encourage them to contact Crossnore as needed, and the Bridging Families staff will proactively reach out to check in on a regular basis after the children go home.”
Samantha’s desire is pretty simple and straightforward. “The only thing I care about right now is having my kids home and things being stable for them again. Everything else will follow.” We wish nothing but the absolute best for the entire family. The best for brave, loving Samantha. For outspoken, intelligent, creative John. For authentic, sassy Georgie, the born performer (just like her father, Samantha says). For compassionate, giving Sarah. And for candid, smarty pants Liam. Better days are just around the corner. And we’re cheering you on.
*All family names have been changed for confidentiality.
